Chester French – Music 4 Tngrs

Putting a synth-pop band together at an Ivy League institution doesn’t necessarily guarantee highbrow songwriting. In the case of Chester French, a band formed while its members attended Harvard, the most intellectual thing about them might be the origin of their name.

After christening themselves after the American sculptor Daniel Chester French (who is most famous for designing the Lincoln Memorial), they decided to sing about dick jokes and interracial pornography. And who says getting a degree in Modern Literature is a waste of time?

Artist: Chester French
Album: Music 4 Tngrs
Label: Star Trak

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Aleks and the Ramps – Facts

When I was just a wee youngster, I saw this commercial on TV for this totally badass remote control car. The RC car literally could not crash. Run it into a wall? No problem. Oh, you flipped it upside down? NO PROBLEM. The thing was able to just take whatever sick punishment a prepubescent mind could think of and just keep on truckin’. I begged my parents, and because I was a brat, I got it. For the first half hour I played the shit out of that thing. And then I got bored. Something similar happened to me during this record from Aleks and the Ramps.

Artist: Aleks and the Ramps
Album: Facts
Label: independent

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Big Troubles – Romantic Comedy

Initially, I was going to say how boring and bland this album was; generic pop songs written and performed by a bunch of art school dropouts living in Brooklyn. My opinion of these guys did a 180 when I came across their official website.

The site is hosted by Angelfire and assured me with scrolling neon green text that I was, indeed, at the “#1 site for teens”. The whole thing looked like a rudimentary built web page that you would find circa 1995, complete with awkwardly placed pictures, crude little animations and tacky graphics. It even urged me to “sign the guestbook”.

While they may be hysterical, they should’ve just called themselves ‘Big Trouble’. That way they could call this album In Little China instead of the lame Romantic Comedy. Who doesn’t like Kurt Russell?

Artist: Big Troubles
Album: Romantic Comedy
Label: Slumberland

Buy Big Troubles Romantic Comedy

Grave Babies – Gothdammit EP

Despite sounding like they were being played back on some ghostly turntable from The Twilight Zone, Gothdammit is a surprisingly melodic EP from Seattle’s Grave Babies.

Sure, the band sounds like murky proto-punk mining the macabre, but it’s all for show. Essentially, Grave Babies is a lo-fi band that really likes Joy Division, which makes me wonder why they seem to spend so much effort constructing an image that isn’t indicative of their sound.

It seems to me that having a blatantly unsettling name and bizarre cover art would alienate most potential listeners, save for the goth crowd. With the goofy made-up word they’ve chosen as the name of their EP, you would think they were trying to distance themselves from that scene.

Artist: Grave Babies
Album: Gothdammit
Label: Hardly Art

Freebie Nightmare mp3 (courtesy of Hardly Art)

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Muscles – Manhood

Featuring a steady barrage of beeps, blips, chunky bass and pounding rhythms, Manhood is the second album by Australian electro-pimp, Muscles.

As the album’s name would suggest, the lyrics mostly deal with entering adulthood, and what that means for a hipster DJ who never wants to grow up. Thematically it’s all a bunch of nonsense, because no one is listening to Muscles for his beer-soaked philosophical musings on life.

Why one would intentionally give himself a name so dumb is beyond me, but I suspect that he may have an obsession with those tiny plastic wrestling figures from the 80s, M.U.S.C.L.E. (Millions of Unusual Small Creatures Lurking Everywhere). We are of course; talking about the same guy who called his debut album Guns Babes Lemonade and has consistently opted for some of the worst album art I’ve ever seen, so I guess it makes sense.

Artist: Muscles
Album: Manhood
Label: Modular

Buy Muscles Manhood

Van She – Idea Of Happiness

Sydney’s Van She is the definition of a guilty pleasure. When I moved to Australia, I realized Van She suffered from disdain and abhorrence among the people of their native country. But they’re still incredibly popular.

Which means that a lot of the people that claim they hate Van She are secretly lapping up the band’s brand of shimmering electronica.

Their second album, Idea of Happiness, is full of cringe worthy lyrics like “I feel Calypso” (?) and sunbaked tropical vibes inspired by the sounds of the Caribbean. The album is light and breezy, lacking substance but making up for it with flurries of infectious beats and uplifting synths. Perfect for some daiquiri-fueled ass shaking.

Artist: Van She
Album: Idea Of Happiness
Label: Modular

Buy Van She Idea Of Happiness

The Raveonettes – Into The Night EP

When a band makes a career out of peddling songs full of dark lyrical themes of murder, drugs, betrayal, lust, crime and suicide, they usually aren’t heralded for releasing catchy pop tunes. Featuring healthy doses of The Jesus & Mary Chain and surf pop, The Raveonettes have enjoyed a lengthy career doing just that.

The duo’s ability to balance depravity and sadness with uptempo beats and fuzzy power chords has always resulted in enjoyable, slightly morose songs that deliver on a visceral level.

The band has stated that the songs on Into The Night are an ode to lost loves, but I had too much fun with this EP to think about a bunch of bitchy exes.

Artist: The Raveonettes
Album: Into The Night EP
Label: The Orchard

Buy The Raveonettes Into the Night

Trophy Wife – Bruxism

Some people “suffer” from being a cynical asshole.  This psychological condition usually manifests itself after puberty and renders everything that you thought was cool or “mainstream” as lame and insufferable drivel.

Trophy Wife, a band hailing from Oxford, England, are most definitely cynical assholes.  Their spacey synth-pop is like New Order in the pouring rain. The band presents vaguely danceable arrangements combined with laizze-faire vocals full of pessimistic lyrics.

Should I dance to this?  Should I be depressed?  I don’t know, hold on while I put on my Ray Bans®…let’s just do some speed and smoke cigarettes while lightly swaying back and forth.

Artist: Trophy Wife
Album: Bruxism
Label: Inertia

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Lights – Siberia

Siberia is the second album from Canadian electro pop-tart Lights, a 24 year old with a fondness for Jesus and dance music.

Siberia is slick and sounds tight on a decent stereo, but every song reeks of sentimentality and nostalgia the way a high school senior might look back on her freshman year.  Track eight uses the, ahem, metaphor of a boyfriend being “like a peace sign”.  Right.  I guess puberty is kind of like a war zone.

For someone so religious, you would think that the American Apparel-esque half naked photo shoot in the album’s booklet would’ve been off limits.  I guess you have to be prepared to ride the slutwaves if you want to compete with Ke$ha.

Artist: Lights
Album: Siberia
Label: Last Gang

Buy Lights Siberia